She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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