So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I met the friendliest cop last night
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
