if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
if only i could text you this smell
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
