i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
