get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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