I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize