It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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