you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
