Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
