That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
