Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
