I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
