I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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