she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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