OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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