I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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