If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
