When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
