You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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