you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
