HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
