someone threw a dead crab at me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
