love makes seman taste better
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize