The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
