my sisters under your porch take her home
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
3 2 1 whiskey
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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