2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
