the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize