drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
