im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
