Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
