my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
