Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
