You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
