Please, let me fuck your mom
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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