you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize