shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
