I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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