Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize