Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
