Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
