Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
