I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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