I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
