Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
