I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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