If i come over, it means nothing
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize