Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
