i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
