The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
