Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
