but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
