there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
