If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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