Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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