he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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