If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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