Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
