When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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