worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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