i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
