As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
