My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
