Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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