I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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