Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
