why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize