At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
