Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
