I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
