Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
