Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
