I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
