I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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