No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
