Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
