I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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