Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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