So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
