GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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