I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
