I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
