he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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