I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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