Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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