if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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