My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize