ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
