I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
