Cold hands, warm shart.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
