Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
