I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize