This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
