i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
