I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
