I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
