Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
