Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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