she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
