i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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