I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
