he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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