I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize