nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
